So it’s taken me a while to decide if and how I want to talk about the Tonto Dike marriage drama. Being a married woman who is known in these parts (I don’t consider myself a celebrity in any form), this is a very sensitive topic. I have read how many blogs have trivialized and mocked this subject and I must say it’s sad.
These days our blogosphere and social media are filled with tales of failed celebrity marriages. Toke Makinwa turned hers to a bestselling book, Lilian Esoro and Tiwa Savage after leaving their matrimonial homes momentarily, have run back to their husbands knowing it’s easier to fix a broken relationship than starting a new one. Muma G and her husband Prince Eke have called it quits after three children under the age of 5 and now its Tonto Dike.
Sadly in all these cases, there are children involved yet these parents knowingly put themselves first. Tonto is revealing how she lied about the things her husband gave her. Who asked her to talk about them in the first place? Was it not vanity and her desire to show off what didn’t exist that made her fabricate all those stories. “Who send her message”? Yet it’s all in the bid to be or stay a celebrity.
This trend of showing off perceived perfect marriages is more in women than men. This is because we women are always in competition with each other and in need of validation from our peers. That is why many of us (over 90%) lie about aspects of our marriage to make it appear perfect.
Please THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT BLISSFUL MARRIAGE. Every marriage on earth has its ups and downs. Some will tell you the “downs” are more than the “ups”. Yet it is expected of all of us, if not for any other reason, at least for the sake of our families (kids most importantly) to fix our “downs” and either make them or look at them as “ups”
I once heard a 28 year old wife and mum say “why stay in an unhappy marriage. I’d be better off on my own if it doesn’t work out”. I laughed. I asked her to find out why Tiwa and Lilian went back to their husbands.
It’s simple. For both men and women, it’s not that easy to move on, meet someone “better” and have the perfect life. Just ask Toke Makinwa. Even after her ex had moved on, she is still not over him. If there is any truth in Toke, she admit if she could rewind time, she’s go back and fix all the things she didn’t do right with Maje.
In every broken marriage, both are victims. Yes, even the wife beater is a victim too. His orientation made him a lousy husband. However, do you know that wife-beater could have married another woman and would never have been able to raise a finger at her? Yes, different people bring out different qualities in us. So who you chose to marry determines the kind of marriage you end up with. Many marry for optics, money, power, fame and so many other things and we call it LOVE. Of course when you meet someone with all these things that you crave, you can easily fool yourself into thinking you are in love. But then, the true feelings show when you get married.
Many are quick to blame their partners for the failures in their relationships yet forget to see how they contributed to the crash. We are quick to take the victim role and refuse to see how we have victimized our partners to make them react the way they did that eventually hurt us. It’s a cycle.
The reason for most of these crashes in marriages, celebrity or otherwise is lack of true information about what marriage is and is not. We married people lie so much about marriage that we mislead unmarried people into thinking marriage is a bed of roses.
So to attempt to fix this, I am starting a series here called WHAT THEY DON’T TELL YOU ABOUT MARRIAGE (WTDTYAM). It’ll be an honest expose’ about marriage. In addition to my 6 year experience, I’ll be interviewing people at various stages of their marriage to reveal all the things both married and unmarried people must know about marriage.
This’ll probably be the most honest info you’ll get about marriage ever. So watch this space